


Fear itself

by Colorful_World



Category: SHINee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2019-01-16 12:17:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12342576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Colorful_World/pseuds/Colorful_World
Summary: Title: Fear itselfPrompt-#: 34For: AnonymousPairing: TaekeyAuthor: anachronicwriting@tumblrWord count: 7,443 words.Rating: PGWarnings: No warningsSummary: Happiness is made out of memories tied to each other, you can hold on to them, and they will pull you into the light.





	Fear itself

**Author's Note:**

> Title: Fear itself  
> Prompt-#: 34  
> For: Anonymous  
> Pairing: Taekey  
> Author: anachronicwriting@tumblr  
> Word count: 7,443 words.  
> Rating: PG  
> Warnings: No warnings  
> Summary: Happiness is made out of memories tied to each other, you can hold on to them, and they will pull you into the light.

 

Fear Itself

\-----------

 

Happiness is made out of memories tied to each other, you can hold on to them, and they will pull you into the light.

 

\-----------

 

 

Year One

 

 

Taemin was eleven when he met Kibum.

 

He was late arriving at platform 9 3/4, he had overslept, and then had forgotten to pack some of his things the day before; his brother had been ready to kill him.

So by the time he had finally gotten there, managed to untangle himself from his mother's good bye hugs, and into the train, all the compartments were full except for one; that had only three occupants. They all seemed older, and Taemin wasn't sure if he should ask if he could sit with them.

He had just been standing there like an idiot not really knowing what to do, when a boy with an asymmetrical fringe and rainbow coloured highlights pulling a huge trunk, stopped behind him.

 

"Yah! First year get to your compartment! Get out of the way!"

 

Taemin had frozen in place.

 

"B-but there are no empty compartments." He stuttered out.

 

The boy paused, looking at him.

 

"Just keep moving ok, you can sit with us." He sighed, clearly exasperated. "That one," he said pointing at the compartment with only three occupants in it, when Taemin didn't make a move.

 

"Right." He answered hurrying to comply.

 

"I'm Kibum by the way."

 

"Taemin." He answered awkwardly.

 

Kibum smiled at him, "You're cute." He said ruffling his hair as he went past him and into the compartment.

 

That is how he had met Jinki and Jonghyun both fourth years and Minho a second year like Kibum.

 

Back then Minho and Kibum hadn't gotten along at all (something to do with Slytherin winning the quidditch cup the year before.)

 

During the first hour and a half, Minho kept talking about how he was going to try out for quidditch this year, and how ridiculous it was that they didn't let him try out last year.

 

"Are you going to try out as well?" Taemin asked Kibum, as Minho went on about what position he should try out for.

 

"He can't even stay on a broom for five minutes." Minho answered for him laughing, "you should have seen him last year in flying lessons."

 

"At least I didn't make things blow up in charms." Kibum sneered at him, but otherwise didn't seem to mind in the slightest. "Jinki is the guardian for Ravenclaw, he is amazing." He said ignoring Minho's "That was only once!"

 

Taemin had been nervous about coming to Hogwarts, but as the train moved on he forgot about it.

The trip seemed to go by in the blink of an eye in their company.

 

 

 

He was a bit disappointed when he ended up being sorted into Hufflepuff, because none of the boys he had met on the train were from that house, Kibum was a Slytherin, Jinki was a Ravenclaw and, And Jonghyun and Minho were in Gryffindor.

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

"You aren't going to the match?" Taemin asked getting up from the table.

 

"Nope, too much sun, too much wind, too much noise. Not worth it." Kibum answered idly flipping the page on his Daily Prophet.

 

"I thought you were really into quidditch." Taemin said.

 

"Hm? Why?" He said surprised, turning to look at him.

 

"All the bets you have going with Minho?"

 

"Oh, that. Yeah, it's just I'm usually right about the results." Kibum said smirking, "and that annoys the hell out of Minho.

It's ok if you want to go though."

 

"You're going to let me go alone?"

 

"Aren't Jonghyun and Jinki going?" Kibum asked returning his attention to his paper.

 

"They said they needed to study for their O.W.L.s."

 

"Go with Jongin then." He lifted his gaze when Taemin groaned in response. "What?"

 

"He's upset with me." He answered shifting from one foot to the other.

 

"Why?"

 

"I promised him I would help him with his homework, but I forgot; now he doesn't want to talk to me."

 

"Then go with the other Hufflepuffs." Kibum sighed.

 

"But then I won't be able to cheer for Minho." Taemin said.

 

"So you won't cheer for your own team? That's cold." Kibum laughed at Taemin's conflicted expression.

 

"Please?" He asked anyway.

 

Kibum stared at him for a moment, considering. "Fine, but I will cheer for Hufflepuff." He said resigned, finishing his pumpkin juice and dropping the paper on top of the table.

 

"I can't ever say no when you look at me like that Taeminnie." He said wrapping an arm around his shoulder and pulling him into a one armed hug.

 

"Wait a second." He said pulling back a little, "is this too much?"

 

Taemin turned to look at him, he had changed his hair so that half of it was bright canary yellow, and the other half was pitch black, his eyes following the same colour scheme; Taemin's house colours. "No." He answered laughing.

 

"Good." He smiled, pulling him close again. "Let's go!"

 

Taemin grabbed onto Kibum's robes so as to not stumble as the taller boy started moving forward pulling him along.

 

 

~*~

 

Year Two

 

"Can I ask you something?"

 

"Sure." Kibum said shrugging. They were walking towards the black lake because Kibum wanted to try out some spells he had found in a book at the library. It was a Saturday morning and the sun was shining over the courtyard.

 

"If you and Minho don't get along, why do you always hang out together?" The two of them had had a duel earlier that week over something Kibum had said, whatever it was had made Minho angry, which had ended up turning into a fist fight when they realized neither of them actually knew any spell that could cause anything worse than tickling the opponent, which had ended with a visit to the hospital wing, detention for both of them, and points deducted to both of their houses.

 

"He is friends with Jonghyun, Jinki is Jonghyun's friend, Jinki and I grew up together, and I like Jonghyun." he answered simply, "Minho is an annoying side effect."

 

"Huh."

 

"Why?" Kibum asked.

 

"I don't know." Taemin answered, shrugging. "You don't seem like the kind of person who would hang out with someone they hate."

 

"I don't hate Minho." He replied, "He just annoys me."

 

 

~*~

 

 

Year three

 

 

Taemin was constantly surprised by Kibum, he was a wild card most of the time, he was like a constantly spinning kaleidoscope, change was what he had come to expect from him. He was always so confident.

 

Maybe that was the why it was so easy to be around him, Taemin couldn't help but to gravitate towards him, he made friends in his own school house, in his year; but he always felt more at ease with Kibum around.

 

The thing was; that Kibum often had the quirk to change his appearance, but it was never something big, just the shape of his hair, the colour of his eyes, Taemin could swear some days he was taller.

It was fun to see what he came up with. But then Kibum started to change his face. Little things here and there, instead of just his normal, eye and hair colour changes.

 

It went on for a few weeks; Taemin didn't know what caused it or how to bring it up.

So he just stood by watching how Kibum changed his face, but differently from what he usually did, his hair was always a normal colour, so were his eyes. It got to the point where he wouldn't have been able to recognize him if he crossed him on the street.

 

They had gotten into the habit of hanging out by the lake on weekends during Taemin's second year, being a third year meant that Kibum could go out to Hogsmead, but for some reason he always made sure to be back early in the afternoon and bring Taemin candy from Honeyduke's and occasionally some trinket from Zunko's, which inevitably ended with Taemin using it on Kibum until Kibum managed to take it from him, and proceeded to pay Taemin back in full until they got bored.

 

They kept it up this year even if Taemin could go to Hogsmead himself now, they never went together, but they kept meeting by the lake in the afternoon.

This time though Kibum hadn't gone out of the school grounds at all. When Taemin went down to the lake Kibum was already there, lying with his arm covering his eyes from the sun.

 

Taemin approached him and nudged him with his foot.

 

"Where is my candy?"

 

"Bugger off, I didn't feel like going." He said swatting at his foot.

 

He didn't say anything else, so Taemin sat next to him. "What's wrong with you?" Taemin really wished he was better at this talking thing.

 

"I will get you something next week."

 

"Not about that, you don't have to, you know that.

I meant, what's eating at you." He clarified, even though he knew Kibum got what he meant from the beginning.

 

Kibum didn't answer right away, so Taemin just sat there, waiting for him to make up his mind.

He finally took his arm away from his face and turned to look at him, his face was back to normal, and for a change so were his eyes and hair.

 

"It's been a while since I've seen your real face."

 

"I know."

 

His eyes were a bit swollen, but Taemin didn't comment on that.

 

"Why?"

 

"There was this girl and..." Kibum sighed.

 

"I... see." Taemin didn't know what to say.

 

"It was stupid."

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"So, you okay now?"

 

"Yeah."

 

Taemin hated it when Kibum was this quiet. He knew Kibum wasn't fine but he didn't know how to help him.

 

But Kibum would talk when he was ready.

 

Probably.

 

"Say." Kibum said after a while, "do you think I'm ugly?"

 

It's a given. Taemin shouldn't have laughed, but it seemed like a dumb thing to ask.

 

"Never mind, forget I asked." Kibum said getting up and brushing off his robes, starting to move towards the castle.

 

"Wait," Taemin said going after him, still laughing a little. "Sorry, I didn't mean to laugh."

 

"I mean I know I'm not good looking or anything, but I'm not ugly am I?" Kibum carried on, seemingly not that bothered by Taemin laughing at him.

 

That made Taemin pause, finally realizing were all this was coming from. "Wait, did that girl call you ugly?" He asked, grabbing Kibum's sleeve to make him stop and look at him. "Is that why you have been changing your face?"

 

"No." He answered.

 

"Not exactly." He said answering Taemin's challenging look.

 

Taemin frowned. "So she did. Why would you listen to that- "

 

"It's not like that. And she was right." Kibum interrupted him. "My face is weird."

 

"It's not." Taemin told him with a frown. "Your face is normal at worst."

 

"You are shit at compliments, you know." Kibum snorted, laughing a little, looking down at his feet.

 

"I like your face, your real face." Taemin said after a little pause. "Maybe you aren't the most beautiful looking person in the world, but... it's you, and you don't need it."

 

Kibum was avoiding catching his eyes. "Fuck. How is it that you manage to sound so grown up, looking like that." He said, trying to hide behind his hair but Taemin could tell he was crying again.

 

"It's weird when you don't change your hair colour." He said trying to change the subject.

 

"So I should never wear my natural hair colour?" Kibum asked. "Didn't you just say you like the real me?" He teased, his voice wavering still.

 

"That's not what I meant." Taemin answered, he could feel the blush running up his face.

 

Kibum let out a wet chuckle in response, finally meeting Taemin's eyes, his eyes were a bit damp, but he seemed calmer. He moved closer and rested his forehead on Taemin's shoulder, loosely grabbing at his sides. Taemin put his arms around him, pulling him into a hug.

 

"Don't ever change." Kibum whispered into his shoulder.

 

They parted ways without saying another word.

 

The next day Kibum was back to normal, his hair was a vibrant green with flecks of dark blue, and his eyes a bright pink, but his features were the same as always.

 

Taemin hadn't realized how much he missed seeing that face smiling at him from the Slytherin table at the great hall.

 

Maybe Kibum wasn't as confident as he'd always thought.

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

Year four

 

It was cute, so cute.

 

Taemin knew he shouldn't look at it like that, but seeing Kibum this frustrated over something was adorable.

 

Kibum had been trying to cast a Patronus for weeks now, never managing to create anything but a faint silver shapeless cloud.

 

Kibum could cast most spells after a few tries, maybe not perfectly, but he had never had this much difficulty with something.

 

"Come on it's not like you are going to meet a Dementor around every other corner, you don't need to have a corporeal Patronus."

 

"I know that." Kibum sighed. "But this-" He said casting the spell again resulting in an even fainter cloud, "is not even an acceptable Patronus."

 

"You don't even have to know how to cast a Patronus to graduate with top grades, I think some of the professors can't even cast a corporeal Patronus. You won't fail Defense Against The Dark Arts for that."

 

"I know." Kibum said, still trying.

 

"So? Why are you even trying? Don't you have your O.W.L.s this year? Shouldn't you study for that instead?"

 

Kibum just huffed at him, trying again. "What should I study? We have only been here for a month."

 

"C'mon you promised you would help me with my transfiguration homework." Taemin whined. "This spell is way above your pay grade."

 

"Fine."

 

"Really?" Taemin said surprised, it usually took way longer to convince Kibum of anything.

 

"Yeah, I'm getting nowhere with this anyway." Kibum said, putting his wand in his pocket. "Seems like I'm not a powerful wizard."

 

"Hey! You are a metamorphomagus you were born with magic practically pouring out of your ears, my parents used to think I was a squib until I turned six and accidentally turned my brother purple." Taemin admitted.

 

Kibum chuckled "Really? How come you never told me that before?"

 

"I knew you'd laugh at me."

 

"They were so happy that I wasn't, that I could get away with almost anything for the following month."

 

“I thought your parents were very pro-muggle/wizard interaction or whatever.”

 

“They are, that doesn´t mean they would now what to do with a non-magical child.”

 

“I think you would be easier to deal with if you hadn´t a wand to lose all the time.”

 

“That has only happened twice!” Taemin said offended.

 

“You have had three wands Taemin. Actually you have two wands right now.” Kibum said laughing. “That is double the amount of wands most wizards have in a lifetime.”

 

“It´s not my fault, my wand fell to the bottom of my trunk last summer and that I couldn´t find it till I unpacked it this year.”

 

“I swear that could only happen to you.” Kibum said, “Why was it even in your trunk?”

 

“I don’t know, I don’t remember putting it there.”

 

Taemin loved the way Kibum smiled with fondness at that moment.

 

 

~*~

 

"Hyung, teach me how to change my hair colour."

 

"Sure. What colour are you thinking of?" Kibum asked, turning to look at him. "...Why are you wearing that hat, it’s boiling hot today."

 

"Just tell me how to do it."

 

"Why?"

 

Taemin sighed and pulled his hat off.

 

"You look like a rainbow threw up on your head." Kibum said laughing loudly at the mess of colours that lay upon Taemin's head. "What happened?"

 

"Transfiguration." Taemin groaned, tossing his hat at him. "Can't you just fix it."

 

"I can." Kibum said. "But maybe I don't want to. That is freaking genius."

 

"Hyung~." Taemin whined.

 

"Fine _. _Colovaria__!" Kibum said, "There you go, back to boring black." He brushed Taemin's bangs away from his face with his fingers softly.

 

"How is it that you do this so easily?"

 

"Metamorphomagus thing I guess." Kibum shrugged, "are you sure you don't want me to change it into another colour?"

 

"Yes. I am sure."

 

"Boring."

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

Year five

 

Kibum had always been a fusser.

 

Taemin had never minded it before, but it started to feel over bearing at some point in the time since they'd come back from summer break.

 

It wasn't that anything had changed in Kibum's attitude towards him; in fact it was that it hadn't changed. Taemin was fifteen, but Kibum kept treating him like a little kid most of the time.

 

They had a fight over Kibum nagging Taemin to do his schoolwork right in front of his friends, it had embarrassed Taemin, and he might have over reacted.

 

He can't remember how the fight went, just what he had yelled at Kibum by the end of it.

 

"You are so fucking annoying! I don't even know how anyone puts up with you. Just leave me alone!" Truth be told he hadn't meant it, he was just angry, and embarrassed. Plus, Kibum never really took things to heart. Except that this time he might have taken it a bit too far; because Kibum had gone quiet.

Taemin hadn't noticed at that time, but looking back on that day, Kibum had definitely been upset when he turned around with an angry huff.

 

Kibum started avoiding him after that, it wasn't that hard really, being from different houses and school years meant that they would only really cross paths in the hallways or the great hall during meals, and even then it would be simple to avoid each other.

But Kibum had it down to an art, especially for someone as hard to miss as Kibum usually was, Taemin hadn't seen the elder at all in the past three weeks, and maybe the first week he had avoided all the places Kibum usually went to, but he had stopped that a week ago.

Sure he had been annoyed at Kibum for his fussing, but he hadn't meant for him to just cut all ties with him.

 

It was yet another week till he spotted him.

He was walking towards Hogsmead with a group of fifth years; Taemin hadn't noticed him at first because of the dark colour of his hair, it was dark blue, but from the distance it looked almost black.

 

Taemin was with Jongin, and he wasn't really sure he wanted to talk to Kibum in front of all those fifth years if Kibum was angry at him, so he just kept looking at his back until he and his group went into The Three Broomsticks and Jongin pulled him down the street towards Zunko's. He didn't see him again that day, but he realized how much he actually missed spending time with him, even with all the fussing.

 

The next day Taemin stayed in the great hall for as long as he could focusing the Slytherin table looking for Kibum but with no luck, however he did see Woohyun and the Slytherin group Kibum usually hung out with, but he wasn't there during any of the meals. The same thing happened the day after that, and the next. He also spared some glances to the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor tables to see if he was sitting with Jinki or Minho, but he wasn´t.

 

Kibum was probably skipping meals to avoid Taemin.

 

A few more days went by like that, Taemin looking for Kibum in the crowd of students, Kibum being nowhere near the places he was usually around.

So Taemin started hanging around Minho and Jinki more often than he usually would in case Kibum was with them, but Jinki had a hectic study schedule as of late, so he didn't really notice Kibum being elusive or being around less than usual; Minho usually spent time with him in their shared classes and in between, so he didn't really spend that much less time with him. Maybe if Jonghyun had decided to take seventh year he would have noticed.

 

So Taemin spent the rest of that week chasing after Kibum with no success, until he decided enough was enough and sat beside the entrance of the Slytherin common room after his last class ended, he knew Kibum had another class after Taemin's last class ended, so he would have to go through this door at some point, and if he was skipping dinner then Taemin wouldn't have to wait for too long.

 

When Kibum appeared down the hallway he had been there for half an hour.

 

"Where did you get that?"

 

Kibum jumped a little turning to look at him. He was carrying what seemed to be a bottle of butterbeer and a plate with stew.

"The kitchen." He answered looking at him with warily.

 

"Oh."

 

Kibum just stood there awkwardly holding onto his plate. It was odd to see Kibum so uncomfortable.

 

"You know I didn't mean it the other day." Taemin said to break the silence, subtlety wasn´t his forte and he really wanted to get this whole thing behind them.

 

"Um, yeah." Kibum wasn't looking at him.

 

"I really didn't."

 

"I know."

 

This was getting nowhere.

 

"If you know then why are you being like this?"

 

Kibum shifted in his spot. "Can we just not talk about this?"

 

"Why?"

 

"Just- please?"

 

"Are you going to stop avoiding me then?" Taemin asked, he really didn't want to keep this chasing game going, he wanted to be with Kibum.

 

Kibum seemed to doubt before answering. "Yes, I will stop avoiding you."

 

They stood there in silence for a long while. Taemin wanted to break it but he didn’t know how, he wanted to know why Kibum was being like this.

 

“I miss you.” The words spilled out of his lips, before he could think about it.

 

“I miss you too.” Kibum said, the traces of a smile on his face.

 

Taemin smiled, “Would you show me the way to the kitchen now, I didn’t eat before coming here, and my butt is numb.”

 

“Sure.“ Kibum said. “I think you are going to like it a little bit too much.” He added with a grimace, as he started to walk back the same way he had come.

 

Taemin grabbed at his sleeve to make him stop moving. “Hey, for what it’s worth. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay Taeminnie.” His voice was soft and full of affection; it was the first time he ever heard his voice like that, but it made warmth spread through his chest. “I’m sorry too.”

 

 

~*~

 

 

 

"You are still trying?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"Why?"

 

"If I manage to do it, I will ace my DADA N.E.W.T."

 

"You have been at it for a year already; I don't think you will be able to do it right now." Taemin sighed in response.

 

"Geez, thanks for the vote of trust."

 

"You know what I mean."

 

"I know." He answered nonchalant. "I'm hungry, let's go."

 

"Can we go to the owlery first? I have to send a letter to my parents."

 

"Sure." Kibum answered while stretching. "Let's go."

 

 

 

~*~

 

Everything had been fine until they reached the top of the stairs and Kibum froze in his step.

 

"Hyung?"

 

Kibum wasn't moving and his hands had a white knukcled grip on the archway that led into the owlery.

 

"Kibum?" Taemin touched his shoulder and Kibum flinched. "Are you ok?"

 

"I-it's really high."

 

"Well yes, it is the owlery." Taemin answered with a frown.

 

"I mean, it's really, really high."

 

"Are you…? Are you afraid of heights?" He asked finally putting two and two together.

 

"Uh, yes."

 

"So that's the why you are shit at flying."

 

"Yeez, real nice Taemin, mock me while I am stuck here."

 

"You aren't stuck hyung, I got you." Taemin said grabbing him by the waist, and pulling him back. "See? Just- let's go back down."

 

They went back down, Taemin giggling occasionally to Kibum's chagrin.

 

 

 

~*~

 

"Are you ok?"

 

"Yeah, why do you ask?"

 

"You look... I don't know." Taemin says, "just dulled out I guess."

 

"Dulled?"

 

"Yes, you are always, just like... bright and stuff, but these days you aren't, and also we have been here for half an hour and you haven't said a word and it's freaking me out because it's usually hard to make you shut up."

 

"Eloquent." Kibum said and punched him softly with a laugh.

"It's nothing really, I have just been thinking-" Kibum said. "What do you think will happen with us?"

 

"Us as in you and me or..."

 

"All of us... I mean Jjong left two years ago, and Jinki and Minho left last year, and now I have to leave; and it just makes me think-"

 

"I'll be fine."

 

"It's not really about that, not entirely at least." Kibum ran a hand through his hair. "It's just... Jonghyun will be, wherever the hell he's gone to now, and Jinki will be at St. Mungo's, Minho will probably become a regular on his team by next year, I will be at the ministry, and you will be here." Kibum said picking at his nails.

 

"So?"

 

"So, what if we never see each other again, Jonghyun and Jinki hardly have the time to write back anymore and Minho won't have the time once he is a regular. “What if this is goodbye for good?"

 

"It won't be." Taemin didn't know how he could say it so confidently, but he just knew. "I mean, most of us ended up in different houses, and we are still friends. Jonghyun will just wander back, Jinki might be a little bit busier but I don't think he will just cut all ties you know how he is, Minho will probably want us to go to every match he plays." He said throwing a rock at the lake. "And I will be joining you in the ministry, I know we won't work on the same department or whatever, but we could go get lunch or something."

 

Kibum hummed noncommittally "I've heard Auror training is hell though."

 

"All the more reason I will be running to your office the second I manage to get away."

 

"I don't think that is how it works."

 

"Then you should become an Auror too! That way you could help me when I get there." Taemin said. "We could be a crime solving team."

 

"Have you been watching those ridiculous muggle shows again?" Kibum huffed out with a laugh.

 

"They are not ridiculous. And I'm serious about it." Taemin carried on excitedly. “Just imagine it, you could spy on anyone, and infiltrate criminal organizations and I could do all the fighting and stuff.”

 

"Nah, too much running around and duelling. Sounds like a drag." He said laying back and resting his head on his arms.

 

"You are such a princess sometimes."

 

"Would you rather I looked like this then?" Kibum asked, when Taemin looked at him his hair was longer and wavy, his features a bit softer and his lips fuller.

 

Hearing Kibum's deep voice coming out of that face was unnerving. It must have shown on his face because Kibum laughed and changed back.

 

"I just hope I get enough N.E.W.T.s to fill the requirements to be an Auror."

 

"You will." Kibum said, he made it sound like he was saying the sky was blue, it made Taemin feel more confident about it. “You are the person with the most Auror like qualities I have ever seen.”

 

"So what department are you aiming at?" Taemin asked, Kibum had switched back and forth so many times over the last few years that it was hard to keep track.

 

"Department of Mysteries."

 

"Are you kidding!?" Taemin said slapping him in the chest as he dropped to sit down next to him, "That's the one place in the entire ministry I wouldn't be able to see you!"

 

Kibum laughed. "I don't think I have the qualifications for it anyway."

 

"What are the qualifications?"

 

"Don't know, it is the department of mysteries. They are not exactly forthcoming with information." Kibum shrugged.

 

"Wait so you are really applying for it?"

 

"I don't know; I haven't made up my mind about anything, so I might as well."

 

Kibum let out a huff as Taemin dropped himself on top of him, resting his head on his chest.

 

"You know, that would be way cuter if you didn't knock the breath out of me every time you did it" Kibum whined, shifting to accommodate Taemin's weight on top of him.

 

Taemin giggled.

 

"What?"

 

"I leave you breathless." Taemin could feel Kibum's chest rise and fall with laughter.

 

"That was disgustingly sweet." He said running his hand through Taemin's hair.

Taemin could imagine the scowl on Kibum's face.

 

"Kibummie?"

 

"Hn?"

 

"I can't believe it would be that easy to get rid of you." Taemin said in response to Kibum´s worries from earlier.

 

Kibum's hand went still in his hair.

 

"Are you trying to make me throw up?"

 

Kibum had a lot of odd fears, and some pretty normal ones.

 

 

 

 

~*~

 

Year Seven

 

__/My boss is annoying, I can't tell you what they are making me do, but I assure you I could be doing more complicated things._ _

 

_How is Hogwarts, did you get Professor Grimwell for potions? He is a hard-ass so be careful._

 

_Did you try out for quidditch this year?_

_Love, Kibum/_

 

_/I guess you forgot to write back, it's fine. Should I send a howler next time?_

 

_So, anyway things have gotten busy over here, and there was this other newbie last week that messed with the wrong thing, and to make the story short, well, half the department lost all their memories of last week, they are still trying to figure out why._

 

_I sent you some quills, guessing you might need them by now, some have a spell-check charm, really helped me last year._

 

_Hope you are doing fine,_

_Kibum_

_P.S. I was kidding about the howler thing, but I would appreciate it if you wrote back./_

 

 

_\I actually made the quidditch team!_

 

_I'm playing as a chaser but I don't think the team is strong this year; we shouldn't lose by much though._

 

_Other than that it is same old Hogwarts, classes are so boring right now. Thank you for the quills by the way they really are useful._

 

_Taemin_

 

_P.S. We could beat a team with you in it.\_

 

 

_/Work is getting easier, or maybe I just got used to it._

 

_I miss talking to you; do you think I can come around your place for Christmas? My folks decided to go on a second honeymoon, but didn't tell me till last week and now I have no plans for the holidays._

 

_Anyone could beat a team with me in it._

 

_Love,_

 

_Kibum/_

 

 

 

_\I bet you couldn't beat a team with you in it._

 

_I should ask my mother, but I think she won't mind. She has always liked you._

 

_How did you even survive this many study hours! It is driving me insane._

 

_Taemin \_

 

 

 

_/That makes literally no sense Taemin-ah._

 

_There are some Aurors that come down here from time to time, can't tell you why._

 

_I think you will really enjoy Auror training from what I have heard… for the most part._

 

_I will tell you pulling all-nighters is no help, possibly makes things worse so try to avoid it._

_Love,_

_Kibum_

 

_P.S. Everybody loves me./_

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

They had gone out on the porch to escape the noise inside. Kibum had been telling him about a co-worker that had made half of the office smell like burnt onions for a month after a failed experiment; when it hit him how much he had missed this.

Missed Kibum, he had missed him the entire time they spent apart.

 

He stared at him as he carried on into talking about the things he was working on vaguely, not allowed to say anything specific. But his eyes shined, and it made Taemin happy to know that Kibum enjoyed his job that much.

It was odd how some things were a little different, just from the few months they hadn't seen each other. They were almost the same height now, and Kibum’s voice has gotten deeper, but there are things that are just the same, like his loud boisterous laugh, and his sharp sense of humour, the way he moves, the way his lips move around the words.

 

"Look, mistletoe." Kibum said looking up with a little laugh.

 

He didn't really know why he was doing it, it was just an impulse, but he placed his hand on the crook of Kibum's neck and pulled him into a soft kiss, just a brush of the lips.

 

"Merry Christmas." He whispered pulling away and going back inside.

 

Kibum came back inside after a few minutes, they didn't talk about it.

 

__\Say, have you managed to cast a patronus yet?_ _

 

_I was wondering, since I might be working at the ministry, should we move in together after I graduate?_

 

_Love,_

_Taemin\_

 

_/I was thinking of getting a flat in London, flooing in to work is ruining all my clothes._

 

_No, still haven't managed to cast a Patronus, thanks for reminding me._

 

_Love,_

_Kibum/_

 

 

~*~

 

 

"So how is Auror training going."

 

"I managed to cast a corporeal Patronus." Taemin said, trying not to sound too excited and failing miserably.

 

"Really?" Kibum said. "To believe the dork I met at Hogwarts is actually a capable wizard."

 

"Yeah, I was so surprised when I actually managed to cast it that it dissolved."

 

Kibum chuckled ruffling his hair. "Ugh, I can't believe you managed to cast a Patronus charm in two weeks!" He said.

 

"I was just lucky, and there wasn't a Dementor around, so it might as well be useless." Taemin said, taking a bite out of his sandwich.

 

"I hate you right now." Kibum whined. "You are such a freak."

 

"Says the man with fluorescent green hair."

 

"I can pull it off."

 

"You haven't managed to cast one yet?"

 

"No." Kibum said with a sullen expression, "how did you do it?"

 

"Just focus on your happiest memory; that's what they told me to do, and it worked." Taemin shrugged.

 

"That is what the spell book said. Doesn't seem to help me." Kibum grumbled.

 

"Do you want me to help you with it later?"

 

"Sure, why not?" Kibum said, brushing some breadcrumbs into a napkin. "So, what shape did it take?"

 

"A salamander."

 

"That's..." He made a face, "something."

 

Taemin couldn't help but laugh at Kibum's expression.

 

"What are you up to down there anyway?"

 

"I can't tell you. Remember?

 

"Hasn't really stopped you before."

 

 

~*~

 

"Think of something happier."

 

"I am thinking of something happy."

 

"Happier."

 

"I can't think of anything happier."

 

"What are you thinking about?"

 

Kibum stayed silent for a while.

 

"What is the memory you use for your Patronus?" He asked finally.

 

"I will tell you some other time." Taemin said.

 

 

 

~*~

 

"Let's play a game."

 

"Ok." Taemin answered uncertain.

 

They had finally gotten a flat in london and they were un-packaging some boxes.

Well, Kibum was anyway, Taemin was just lying on a pile of Kibum's clothes that were on top of the bare mattress in his room.

 

"What would you do if you had a time-turner?"

 

"Why, do you have one?"

 

"No. But what would you do if you had one?"

 

"What would you do?"

 

"Remember that time I cut my bangs really short?" He said. "I would go back and hex myself."

 

Taemin barked out a laugh.

 

"I think I would go back and hex you too." Taemin lied, he would go back to that Christmas two years ago, and hit himself for not confessing to Kibum back then.

 

He always wonders how things could be right now if he had. He wonders what things could be like if he had the courage to ask Kibum out right now.

As he watches Kibum sorting things and putting them away, he wishes he could just get up and kiss him.

 

Kibum sighs and sits beside him on the bed, “I think I deserve a break.” He says.

 

Taemin turns to look at him, there is a ray of light coming through the window and hitting Kibum in just the right way to give him a golden halo. It’s odd, the feeling of perfect contentment that fills him at that moment.

 

“Shouldn’t you be un-packing your own stuff.” Just like that the moment is broken as a cloud covers the sun.

 

“I will just __accio_ _ whatever I need, when I need it.”

 

Kibum looks like he is trying very hard not to say anything about Taemin’s horrible idea. But he just sighs a “You do you. Babe.”

 

He loves that nickname.

 

Taemin can’t stop staring at Kibum for the rest of the afternoon as the elder takes thing out of boxes and puts them away carefully, there is something bright about Kibum he decides, that has nothing to do with the way he changes the colour of his hair, or decides that his unspeakable robes needed a touch of colour. Taemin couldn't really place it, but it made him feel like there is sunshine when he is around, and God knows he needed it in this gloomy city.

 

 

~*~

 

"Hyung, I'm telling you muggles don't dress like that." Kibum had chosen a bright pink coloured jacket with studs on the shoulders and a pair of purple tinted glasses and red shoes. It would have probably been fine if he hadn't decided to wear a pair of neon green jeans with it.

 

"I saw this exact outfit in a magazine," Kibum said. “A muggle magazine.”

 

"How many people do you see walking around looking like that?" They had gone out to explore muggle London, because Kibum had been terrified of going out since they moved into the flat. The poor pure-blooded sheltered baby. "It's like you've never been to muggle London."

 

"Well, I haven't. There was never a reason to." Kibum said. "The magazine said it was a daring, fashionable look." Taemin didn't even want to know where he got that magazine.

 

"Yup, that is the why people are staring at us." Taemin answered looking at a shop that had a video game display. "Where did you even get those clothes anyway?"

 

"I transfigured them."

 

Figures.

 

"Do you mind if we go in here for a moment?"

 

"Is this were you get your electronic trinkets?"

 

"Stop talking like that."

 

"Like what?"

 

Taemin ignored him and went into the shop.

 

"Hey, what is this thing?" Kibum asked holding up an mp3 player.

 

"Music player." Taemin answered absently.

 

Kibum kept staring at the gadget in its plastic case. "How?"

 

"You put music files on it."

 

Kibum went to put it away.

 

"What is that?"

 

"A game console."

 

"Isn't that the thing you plug into the television?"

 

"Yes, but that one is portable, has its own screen."

 

"I see." Kibum said. "You know, I think I'm going to see some other shops."

 

"Ok. Knock yourself out."

 

On hindsight he shouldn't have let Kibum go off on his own like that. But he could make his way back home. He had shown him how to use the subway, and if all went wrong he could always just apparate home.

That´s what he thought before he went back home after getting out of the video game store, and being unable to find him.

 

Except that it had been nearly five hours since then, and Kibum still wasn’t back. He is probably going to dig a trench on their living room floor from the pacing.

Kibum is a perfectly capable adult, he must be fine, and there is no reason to be worried. But it has been five hours. Kibum might be stuck in a place where there are a lot of muggles, so he can’t apparate home.

 

Maybe he should go out and look for him. But he wouldn’t really know where to begin the search he had looked inside a few of the shops to see if he could spot Kibum in them before he came back and he wasn’t anywhere near, he had just been browsing through the video game shop for a half an hour tops, but Kibum managed to make himself scarce.

 

He was about to go out when the door opened revealing Kibum carrying a massive amount of bags that looked like they were from a bunch of different clothing brands and stores.

Underneath it all Kibum was still wearing those hideous neon green pants.

 

“Oh, good you are here, I thought I might have to go back and look for you.” Kibum said with a big smile on his face. “You wouldn’t believe the amount of clothing shops there are in muggle London!”

 

And here Taemin was worrying for that idiot.

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

They started using the weekends to have Taemin help Kibum with his Patronus for a couple hours, but Kibum wasn’t really improving in any way.

In the end Kibum got sick of trying to cast the charm, so they just sat there, and started trying to find happy memories for Kibum to use,

 

"Remember that one time we snuck out at night and went to the lake because you bet Minho that he wouldn't be able to swim from one side of the lake to the other at night?"

 

"Jinki-hyung was so worried that the Giant Squid would get him." Kibum said laughing.

 

It was so easy to cast a Patronus when he was bathed in that light.

 

"I miss that." Kibum's voice was overwrought with melancholy.

 

"What, almost getting Minho killed for a bet?"

 

"No, definitely not that." Kibum laughs.

 

"Remember that time, when Jonghyun-Hyung came to Hogsmead right before Jinki-Hyung had to take his N.E.W.T.s and we bought every kind of candy in Honeyduke´s .” Kibum started with laugh in his eyes. “and Jinki ate so much of it that he couldn´t fall asleep, so he fell asleep on during the exam.”

 

Taemin remembered, they had made Jinki go to the hospital wing and let him take the exam a bit later in the day, because they thought he was sick.

That had happened a few weeks after Kibum and him had been avoiding each other for weeks. At that time Kibum didn´t really avoided him but he still wouldn´t spend a lot of time with him, and it was always Taemin the one  to seek him out, Kibum never wanted to talk about that fight, and it wasn´t like Taemin ever brought it up again.

Slowly he had gotten accustomed to their new way of interacting and after a while it wasn´t as extreme, but even now, Kibum would let him take the initiative in how they would interact most of the time.

He became more withdrawn as he aged, and Taemin became less so.

Their relationship didn’t change on the outside, but it was different now. Kibum always seemed to doubt whether Taemin would want to be with him, or maybe he doubted why Taemin would want to be with him.

Maybe that fight had been the start of it all, or maybe he had just voiced something Kibum had always believed.

 

Seeing Kibum's sad expression now, it hit Taemin, after all this years, what it was that made Kibum so afraid all the time, why none of his happy memories were strong enough.

 

Kibum was always afraid of not being good enough for the people he loved to stay by his side.

 

Kibum was afraid of losing them, losing him, at all times.

 

Kibum has always been the reason he could fight his fears, Taemin realizes.

So maybe there was a way he could help Kibum after all.

 

“You know. Maybe you shouldn’t focus so much on a single memory.” Taemin said.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“It’s just, when I cast it, I start with a memory, but- it’s like it is tied to all this other… unfocused? Yes! unfocused memories, and it just makes me happy.”

 

Kibum stares at him blankly. “How…? I don’t get it.”

 

“It’s like I am thinking about one happy memory but that one has a lot of happy memories hanging behind it.”

 

Kibum is silent for a moment before he asks. “What do you think about?”

 

"It's easy, I just..." Taemin answered with a little smile. "I think of you."

 

 

 

~*~


End file.
